She came to the Church again…

Last Sunday, she was willing to come to the Church again after so many years refuse to do it.  Accompanied by her son, daughter and her daughter in law, she came to the place where her last time she came there was when she assisting her husband on Spiritual Healing with Rev. TB Joshua.

Her hand was shaking when she entered the building. And her tears dropped, all these things reminds her of her husband.

Hope that it will be a good start… as her daughter found her life ruined in August 2007, now she found a lot of miracles in August 2009.

AMEN!

First Time…

Today, August 5, 2009 is the first day for me to do the ‘big’ thing about signature and authorization… geessshh… I was nervous, I was afraid that I made mistake. But luckily, Mbak Indah is a good teacher and guide, and we successfully made it.

Yeeppeeekaayeeee!!! Thanx buches, Mb Indah… 🙂 There’s another things to learn and first thing to do 🙂

Prayer For Lifetime Partner

Elok sent me this Prayer by e-mail on Friday. I printed it and read it every night after I had my evening prayer.

Dear God…

I’m praying for a man who will become a part of my life

A person who really loves YOU more than anything in this world

A man who will put me into the second position after Yours

A man who live not for himself but for You

Good looking face and physical fascination are not important

The most important is a heart that really loves You and thirst for You and wants to be like You

He should know for who and what for that he lives won’t wasted away

Someone who has a wise heart not only smart.

A man who’s not only loves me but respect me.

A man who’s not only adores me but he can also admonition me if I did something wrong.

A man who loves me not for my beauty but my heart.

A man who can be my truly best friend in every time and situation.

A man who makes me feel as a real woman when I’m with him.

I’m not asking for a perfect person, but I’m asking for someone who’s not perfect, so I can be perfect in You.

A man who needs my support as his strength.

A man who needs my prayer for his life.

A man who needs my smile to face his sadness.

A man who needs me to make his life completed.

I also ask:

Made me as a woman who can make that man proud and happy.

Give me a heart that really loves You, so I can love him with Your love, not only my love.

Give me Your Tender Spirit so my beauty came from you not from out of my body.

Give me Your Hand to always pray for him.

Give me Your Eyes to see a lot of good things of him, not only the worst.

Give me Your Mouth that full of wisdom and gives spirit, so I can support him everyday.

Give me Your Lips and I will smile at him every morning.

And when the time we meet, I hope that both of us can say ‘How great God is because You’ve gave me someone who will make my life become perfect.” I know that You want us to meet when the time has come and You’ll make everything happen so beautifully at the right time.

Amen

– Ecclesiastes 3 : 11a –

Finally Executed!!

Finally… after a long 6 years awaiting, Bali Bombers I, Amrozi, Imam Samudra and Ali Gufron (people with lotsa aliases) executed on Sunday, November 9^th, 2008 at 00.15 WIB (+07.00 GMT). Maybe it’s one of the greatest victory for the victims and their families.

Hope that Bombers’ family and friends will accept it with courageous heart, in remembering how they caused hundreds of people died, and continue their life in peace. And not thinking how to take revenge and will cause another victims that will never end. That is enough!!!!

30 going 13

Today, October 26^th, 2008…. I’m 30 years old. What an age!! People said that it’s the 2^nd gate of maturity. Is it? I don’t know. Thought that I still have a kiddo’s mind in me. Maybe, I’m not that mature yet.

Still single in this age, but I enjoy it. I enjoy to do things that I like or want to do without asking permission am I allowed to do it or not. It’s my life. Maybe one day I’ll changed, who knows? There’s no hurt to try changes to be better, right?

This morning, I woke up with wonderful messages. First, KK text me and said that he typed it while he was so sleepy. So sweet, he woke up in the morning just to text me those best wishes. Thank, K. You’re still the one!! One of kind brother who knows me better. Then, Aswid’s message came, and this made my 30^th birthday brighter than other birthdays that I had. She deliver her first son, Dasha Arsyad Avila, this early morning in weight of 2.7 kilos. Now, I have another ‘TWIN’ hahaha… I got a kiss from my mom even I haven’t got up from my bed to wash my mouth (Bu Ucil, I’m stinks!!!).

Then I went to Church and got a cute pink pig doll from Nopek. I named it, Dorbi (nDora’s Babi – Babi means pig). Thanx bunches sistha, and for being around almost a whole day today. I was a bit upset because I didn’t have my brothers around, but we end it in a beautiful way. Especially in that grocery shop hahaha…

I received some calls and messages from my dearest friends. McG clan that rang me far far away from a cold windy land – Scotland. Elang who made me confused with his Japanese language (OK, Mr. Takenouchi! You win!). Dheeaz who escaped from her cousin’s wedding just to rang me and said just because she couldn’t be with me today I can ask her anything (Well, can you kidnap Aswid’s baby so I can see my twin? :D). Kakak rang me for several times today, glad to feel that he’s around. Freddo, Bramz, Setyo with his crazy date plan that he had, Kadek Astrawan, Wuri, Dek Itok (still remember that sexy girl, Lil Brotha?) Mas Goran, Madam HW (my boss – Wow!) and Ellen. Thank’s to you all for filling my day with your love and care, and making this day brighter. And last, when I went home from watching Max Payne with Nopek and Dek Itok, my eldest brother, Ndhut Kukuk, and his wife, Cie Ntin, came with delicious black forest cake. No candles coz I don’t want to blew up my wishes, I just want to keep the light.

I closed this day in graceful for what I had today. For all these blesses. That I can still have my breath for 30 years and more, that I have such wonderful people who love me – my family, my brotherhood society, my sisthas and my friends. And I’m graceful that I’m still here to thank God for all he has given to me and always be here with me. Thank you, Bijak.

For my Jagoans

To all my “brothers” in the world :

Hey there, Jagoans!!!

I knew that I’m not a perfect person, but that’s not an excuse in making mistakes. Yesterday, I learned that so far, I wasn’t a good sister for you all. I demand too much. I always wanted you to understand me, but I rarely understand you. I always want to be around you guys, but I don’t have enough time to be with you when you need me. I always wanted to be listened, but I’m not a good listener for you all. Yesterday, one of you had opened my eyes that I don’t listen enough and I’m thankful for it. It gives me reprimand to look back and correct what was wrong so I won’t do it again in the future. Only donkey would trap in a same whole, and I don’t wanna be a donkey, even it’s a Donkey Xote 🙂

Before it’s all too late, I want to say I’M SORRY. I’m so sorry for all things that I made. I’m sorry for being so spoil, stubborn and selfish. I just don’t wanna lose you guys. I don’t wanna lose this brotherhood that we had for years. Maybe I’ve screwed up, please let me fix what I’ve ruined.

I just had my meditation last night before I went to bed. I just feel that silence can be so wonderful. Even ‘Iessu’ once told me that I’m a bit quite lately… (am I????)… If it’s true then, at least I’ve learned how to keep my mouth shut. And now, it’s time for me to listen and understand you guys… then… others.

I just want you to know that you guys can tell me anything. I might not help a lot, but I want to learn to listen to you. Or maybe we can solve our problems together. That’s what family is for right? I’m not here for nothing but a louse in your hair. I’m here to be your sister, so just let me do the job of it.

I love you guys…. so much………

Soundtrack : The Reason by Hoobastank

A Journey

Have you think that a journey can be so painful? First time I had my big journey, I was so greedy to catch the scence around me. I don’t wanna missed a thing. My eyes were hungry of the new scence that I’ll catch later.

Until one day, not so long ago, I had my unusual journey. It was nothing but black scence.I was so scared. I couldn’t catch any single scence that day. Then I prayed. I felt much better after that. Then I touch my crystal that hanged on my neck. I remember the beautiful color of it and suddendly I heard some voices that gave me strength. A courage to move on. I remember someone once told me ‘If you can’t see with your eyes, you ougtha see see with your Third Eye Chakra and your heart.’ I was grumpled in silence that day, and said (still in silence) that it’s easy for him to say that (as always). When I remember it again, I said, yeah, this is another time to move on. I’m not going to stay here and do nothing. That stone reminds me how I there are a lot of big hope for me.

I feel much better now. I’ve touched by the light, little by little, piece by piece. Every night, after having evening prayer and before I go to bed, I spend some times for meditation.  It helps me to feel better, maybe with that prayer and meditation I feel closer to God and nothing to be afraid of. Now, I want to practice the quote : ‘God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.’ of Reinhold Niebuhr. And just last night I got another thing to learn ‘No need to do something useless.’ 🙂 Yaaa… yaaa…

Don’t worry

‘Please don’t worry about me, I’m not worrying, it’s not something that I like to do as it doesn’t ever help. by all means be concerned, pray for me, send your love and your support but please do not worry.’

I wrote in a wrong chat windows this avro… but I just want everyone knows that there’s nothing to be worried about. So… please just stop worrying…

Wish…

It feels so empty….

And I wish you’re here, like it used to be….

…………………………………………………………….

1st year after….

It’s been a year since you’ve been gone, Louvie. And memories of you came out like a favorite movie, I’d never get tired of it. I still remember the last day we met. How you came to surprise me first thing in the morning. How we watched out last movies, Music & Lyric and Norbit. Remember that, Louvie? And the way you laugh til you got cough when Norbit’s wife said ‘I am in panties!’ hahaha… I was soooo worry to hear you like that. And last, I remember your last words, ‘Well, Dhie, this is it!’ And how you’re cooler and cooler. Then Bobby tried to break all the stuffs in your room in hospital while he was crying. I still remember all those things perfectly.

And now, all things still settled into its place. Your heart still here, as where it belongs. And all stuffs in your room were never being replaced. When your parent gave your room for Elang, he was afraid to enter it. Too many memories of you in there. Even Baby, when she couldn’t sleep, she just lay down on your bed and she’ll fall asleep soon, seemed like you’re still there.

I knew you’re still here, Louvie. You’re still watching over me. Like you always used to be.

One year memorian of CJAMc. Luv ya still, Louvie…….