The New ONE

Once I felt that I didn’t deserve for the happiness in this world. Many time I thought what’s wrong with me? Every time I almost reach a happiness it just swiped away. The only reason that made me not going down too deep is just thinking that it’s a KARMA. Maybe I made a big mistakes in my past life and now it’s time to ‘pay the bills’ so I will have my life back. But…. whatever!

Then, just a few moment I had my last turbulence, he came up. He knows that I might never fall in love again, he knows that this heart of stone won’t be easily melt, he knows there’s something inside my head, he knows my complicated problems, he just said ‘I just want to love you, that’s it!’ I’ve never seen him before, neither he. He knows me by tagged, site where I was invited by Anna Gronendale and not really seriously in maintain it, he saw my picture with my guitar and he suddenly interest to write me a short message, which I thought that was a weird message to say hello.

Not quite long, he became someone special, til I have to hold my breath when I’m thinking about him or looking at his picture. Not a day I spend without read his text message or hear his voice, which is made me much much better. I can laugh in my sadness or hardest moment as he told me that he was laughing when he had a broken bound by motorbike accident. That’s sound crazy, but it made me think what can be worse than facing you had a broken bound… but you’re laughing. But it’s good to know that you can freely laugh where you supposed to cry hard.

Last night, he asked me how much I love him? Feels so guilty, I couldn’t answered that. Because I really don’t know how much I love him. I’m afraid. I’m afraid if I love him too much then it will ended up by loosing him. I couldn’t bear in loosing someone that I love again. I just knew that I started to think about him a lot.

Still last night, he told me that he had quit racing for me. He doesn’t want me to worry about his dangerous hobby. I got punched. Am I deserve it? And this the… without I realized, this feeling grows and I can’t hold it.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or days after that… maybe he’s the answer of my prayer. Today, I just so graceful for this love which is sooo big. I don’t want to worry about tomorrow because I gave it into God’s hand. Let Thy will be done.